When it's me and you, it's something else
by Jotter
Summary: Sarah/Zoe femmeslash. Sarah and Zoe are friends. But after their drunken night together, does one of them want to be more than that? or do both? This story explores how things could have gone between them. Hope you like it. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything to do with Hollyoaks, it all belongs to the people at Channel 4. I'm just borrowing a couple of the characters and having a play around with them. I promise they'll be nice and clean when I hand them back :)

**Summary:** Sarah/Zoe slash pairing (**meaning f/f - so if you don't like that kind of lovin', don't read!**) Sarah and Zoe have a connection. But Sarah's a little too freaked out to explore exactly how much of a connection they could have.

**Other info:** I started writing this years ago, before Lydia became a complete psychopath and everything went completely wrong for Sarah and Zoe. I liked their relationship, and I thought that more could have come of it. So when I found this on my hard drive recently, I thought I'd carry it on. Reviews make my heart do a little happy dance :).

Chapter one

"Oh god," Lydia sighed, dropping back into her seat besides Sarah on the sofa, "I hate that question, don't you?"

"Which one?" Sarah took a sip of her drink and turned to face her new friend, who finished running a hand through her messy blonde hair and grimaced.

"The 'so when did you realise you were gay?' one. Honestly, it's so stupid…" she trailed off as she noticed the look that had replaced the smile that had been on Sarah's face. "What?" she asked, concerned. "You did know I was gay, right?"

"Yeah," Sarah started, "but… I mean, you think… what did you mean?" confusion had made Sarah unable to form a complete sentence and she looked at the girl next to her, willing her to understand what she was trying to say.

"What did I mean when?" Lydia asked, looking bemused.

"When you said 'don't you?' earlier."

"I meant 'don't you hate being asked that question as well.' Jeez Sarah, I know I'm not from round here but I didn't think my accent was that incomprehensible!" Lydia laughed.

"You think I'm gay as well?" Sarah asked, her very core slowly growing icy cold in horror.

Lydia's eyes went wide, and she put down the glass that she'd been holding quickly, looking at Sarah's expression made her want to laugh, but she just managed to hold it in to apologise. "Oh Sarah I'm so sorry – sometimes my gaydar goes a bit squiffy I didn't mean… well, I mean I thought you were, but obviously I'm wrong, I didn't mean to offend you!"

Sarah put her head in her hands and let out a long sigh. Sometimes, you get told things you just don't want to hear.

And sometimes, when you think it can't get any worse…

"Hey," Zoe wandered over from where she'd been chatting to Kris at the bar.

They'd been discussing the conversation that was happening between Sarah and Lydia, and Kris had immediately assessed that Zoe should go over and say hello, even if it was to stop Lydia from getting the wrong idea and coming on to Sarah. He'd said it in his usual jokey way, and Zoe had replied in the same manner by stating "I think it would just be easier to go and pee all round where Sarah's sitting, wouldn't it?" but something about the new girl in town had made Zoe feel uneasy from when she'd first laid eyes on her. And she had a horrible feeling that Kris was more right than she'd ever admit.

Sarah looked up and just about managed to stop herself from groaning. "Hey, Zo," she said neutrally instead. Lydia looked up at the newcomer and smiled a greeting, "hi."

"Hope I'm not interrupting?" Zoe asked, taking a sip from her pint for something to do.

"Actually, Lydia and I were just chatting about the dance show the college is putting on next week." Sarah improvised, rushing to tell Zoe anything other than the truth as quickly as possible.

"Oh," Zoe nodded, as Lydia hid her surprise at Sarah's words and agreed.

"Yeah, it sounds really interesting..."

Zoe smiled. "I'll leave you to it then, but I just wanted to come over and say hi. I'm Zoe, by the way, since Sarah rudely didn't introduce us earlier."

"Oh yeah!" Sarah sat up, and immediately blushed a little. "Sorry guys – Zoe, this is Lydia, new girl in town and musical extraordinaire, and Lydia, this is Zoe. Zoe's… well Zoe's Zoe really," she finished, looking at the blonde with an eyebrow raised, almost in a challenge for her to contradict.

"Oh cheers!" Zoe laughed, and Sarah did too after a moment, whilst Lydia looked between the two of them quickly and then joined in, shaking Zoe's hand when she offered it.

"I'll see you around," Zoe turned and walked back over to the bar, replaying that last comment from Sarah in her head. 'Zoe's… well Zoe's Zoe, really.' – what on earth was _that_ supposed to mean?

Back at the sofa, Lydia watched as Sarah took a nervous gulp of her drink, and sat back, head tilted to one side, waiting for an explanation. When nothing was immediately forthcoming, she glanced back over to where Kris and Zoe were now back in conversation at the bar, and grinned.

"Now that one," she started, nodding at the blonde at the bar, "is definitely gay, right?"

Sarah choked on the mouthful of liquid she'd just taken.

Onwards, to chapter two…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

"So are you going to tell me what that was all about? Or shall I just patiently wait for hell to freeze over first?" Lydia asked eventually, when the silence turned awkward.

"Oh please, please don't make me," Sarah half laughed, before she stopped. "It's a _very_ long story," she added with an eye roll to add extra emphasis.

Lydia rearranged her legs so that they were folded underneath her on the sofa. "My favourite kind," she smiled kindly. "Do please feel free to leave in all the gory details. But before you begin; I think it's your round first?" she held out her empty glass, which Sarah took, shaking her head.

"Just as I was thinking I could actually quite like you as well." She sighed, ensuring that Lydia saw the smile on her face as she did. She picked up her own glass before she headed to the bar.

Lydia watched her go, wondering. Her gaydar hadn't been wrong for a long time, and there was definitely something there between that Zoe chick and Sarah. Hmm, this could be interesting…

"She seems nice." Kris sidled up beside Sarah at the bar, as he was fulfilling round buying duties too.

"Yeah, she's alright," Sarah answered automatically, looking in her purse for an extra pound she'd swear was lurking at the bottom somewhere.

"Bit too… _obvious _for my liking though," Kris replied, reading the cocktail menus, but watching for Sarah's reaction at the same time.

Sarah found the pound, and grinned triumphantly before turning to face her companion. "What?" she asked impatiently, shaking her head, not getting what Kris was hinting at.

"Well, the way she was checking Zoe out for a start, I've seen starving men look at a buffet with less hunger in their eyes, honestly. No subtlety at all. Where's the fun in that?" Kris asked, eyebrow quirked.

Sarah narrowed her eyes and looked between Lydia, playing with her phone, and Zoe, who'd just sat back onto her stool having walked back from the toilet. Kris's drinks arrived in front of him, and he picked them up before turning away. "No fun at all," he muttered again, smirk firmly planted on his face, as he took them back over to his drinking buddy and left Sarah alone at the bar, her mind reeling.

Whilst Sarah waited for her drinks she deliberated between going over and yelling at Lydia, and going over and yelling at Zoe. She couldn't work out a remotely sensible or rational reason for wanting to do either, other than she really, really wanted to shout at one of them.

Why did the thought of Lydia fancying Zoe make her stomach lurch in the unpleasant way it was doing now? Why was she even bothered? Zoe was a free agent, she could see whoever she wanted. And she herself wasn't gay, she wasn't exactly interested, was she? But, still…she shook her head, and resolved to pulling herself together. She gripped her glass a little tighter than she originally meant to as she thanked the barman for the drinks and carried them back over to where Lydia sat waiting, an expectant look on her face. Sarah forced a smile on her face as sat herself back down.

"So," Lydia nodded her thanks at the drink Sarah placed in front of her, and raised both eyebrows in a 'the interview is about to begin' kind of way. "First things first. Why did you make up that nonsense about some dance contest thing and then get all nervous when that hot blonde chick came over?"

Sarah grimaced. "You really are going to be one of those people that likes to know _everything_ aren't you?"

Lydia beamed. "I'm pleased you got it so quickly. Some people take ages to cotton on."

Rolling her eyes, Sarah pleaded for a meteor strike at that very moment. "Oh what joy," she said sarcastically when the world continued to turn. Then she took a deep breath, and prepared to manipulate the truth in her favour.

"Well," she began, her audience captivated and nodding encouragement. "I should probably start out by explaining that she used to go out with my dad…"

"Woah!" Lydia looked over to where Zoe and Kris were drinking. "This is going to be _good_ isn't it?"

Sarah followed Lydia's gaze and looked down quickly as Zoe glanced over and met her eyes. "Good _so_ isn't the word I'd use," she muttered quietly, picking up her drink.

"Zo?" Kris waved a hand in front of the vacant expression on his companion's face.

Zoe jumped when she suddenly blinked out of the daze she'd fallen into. "What? Sorry. Sorry Kris." She turned guiltily back to face her friend, and took in the expression on his face.

"Zo, why don't you just admit it."

"Admit what?" Zoe asked, having another sip of her drink.

"Zo, you've been watching them," he nodded over at Lydia and Sarah, "for the past fifteen minutes, I've never seen you pay that much attention to anything other than _Deal or No Deal_ before. You've been uselessly trying to listen in on their conversation, you're not even giving me the adoration I deserve, just admit it…" he paused, as Zoe looked at him with eyes pleading him not to finish his sentence, even though she knew what he was saying was actually true. "You're drunk!" he laughed, pointing an accusing finger at his friend.

Zoe let out a burst of thankful laughter, knowing that her behaviour had been acknowledged, but that she wouldn't be pushed on it, for tonight at least.

"Fine!" she cried, finishing off her pint with a final gulp. "Guilty as charged!" she put the empty glass back on the bar, and at Kris's nod, ordered another round from the lurking barman.

She didn't look back over to the sofas again, even though she ached to know what was going on. She'd seen the way that Lydia had been looking at Sarah as they'd been talking over course of the evening, it was blatantly obvious that she fancied her, a fact that Kris had helpfully pointed out much earlier on. She really didn't like the way that it made her stomach contract when she thought about it. Her ears were burning as well, a sure sign that somewhere, probably not a million miles away, she was being talked about. She made an executive decision, and ordered a round of shots to go with their drinks as well.

Onwards, to chapter three…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

The story was nearly complete. Sarah took a last sip of her pint, and surmised things. "So yeah, we had this thing, but I was really rather _very_ drunk and that's about it!"

Lydia, who'd been listening patiently and had nodded and gasped in all the right places as Sarah spoke, laughed. "See! I _knew_ something was up with you two when she came over, you went all nervous!"

"I did _not_!" Sarah immediately protested, laughing. She'd found that talking about the 'Zoe thing' with someone completely impartial hadn't been as horrible as she'd thought it would be. In fact, as she talked it through with Lydia, she'd realised that she had been working herself up into a frenzy over something that wasn't _as_ huge as she first thought.

She made a note to apologise to Zoe for being such a cow to her.

"You did too." Lydia winked at Sarah and nodded to the many empty glasses on their table. "I'll get one last round, shall I?"

"Sure." Sarah smiled, and slumped back into the sofa. She watched Lydia walk over to the bar, where her eyes found Zoe, still sat on a stool besides Kris, but now obviously a lot more drunk. Sarah watched as her friend let out a shriek of laughter, and let her mind wander.

"I mean, I can't say I blame you." Lydia's voice and the arrival of two more full glasses in front of her brought Sarah from her reverie and she blushed slightly when she realised that she'd been caught day dreaming. Then she blushed a little bit more, when she realised what she'd been daydreaming about. Perhaps she was a bit more drunk then she realised, too.

"Blame me for what?" Sarah asked, thankful that the lighting in the bar had been dimmed as the evening wore on.

"Well, coming on to her in the first place, she really is quite hot." Lydia looked over to Zoe, and smirked. "I'd not say no."

"Oi! Don't you dare!" Before she realised what she was saying, Sarah had opened her mouth, and now Lydia was looking at her, eyebrow raised and her teeth biting into her bottom lip to stop herself from laughing. "No! I didn't mean that, well, no – I mean don't… oh, hell…" Sarah gave in and laughed at herself, and took a big swig from her glass.

Lydia burst out laughing. "So you're still insistent it meant nothing then, eh?"

"It did mean nothing!" Sarah protested weakly, but Lydia just shook her head.

"Whatever darling. I knew my gaydar's never wrong!"

"Oh, go away!" Sarah hid her face behind the cushion that she'd had in her lap and wished for the ground to open up and swallow her. This wasn't how she'd expected her evening to go. "I'm not gay!"

Lydia reached forward and pulled the cushion away from Sarah's flushed face. She smiled kindly. "Sarah, you do know it's not illegal to be gay, right? You aren't going to be burnt at a stake for admitting you like girls!"

"I don't like girls. I just like _her._" Sarah mumbled, admitting to herself as much as Lydia.

"Well, what's stopping you then?" Lydia asked.

Sarah sighed, eyes finding Zoe for the thousandth time that evening. "Oh, only everything."

Lydia rolled her eyes, and threw the cushion back at Sarah, catching her unawares. "You're rubbish," she said, laughing. "I'm going to help you out." Standing, she went to take a step forwards.

"No! What are you doing? No!" Making a desperate grasp, Sarah grabbed Lydia's wrist and stopped her. She stood up so they were facing each other. "For the love of all that's Holy, please don't say anything to Zoe!"

Lydia smirked, but then her expression changed when she saw Sarah was serious. "Ok," she said eventually, "ok I won't."

Sarah relaxed, and squeezed Lydia's wrist before letting it go. "Thank you," she said sincerely.

"You're welcome," Lydia replied, "but jeez Sarah, you really do need to relax a bit y'know. I don't know what you're so scared of."

Sarah's sullen mood suddenly changed, and she found herself getting angry. "This isn't a joke for me y'know Lydia. It's alright for you, you're new around here, people just accept you without questioning things. I've grown up here, these people aren't strangers to me, I know them, I _live_ with them. And as much as you might be completely in control and happy with who you are, not all of us are, alright? I can't get my head around all this. Everything I've ever known has been thrown about the place and everything's up in the air, so don't tell me there's nothing to be scared of!"

Sarah took a breath, her sudden burst of anger disappearing as quickly as it had arrived. She looked at Lydia, who's eyes had gone wide in surprise at her sudden outburst, looked at Zoe, who'd watched the exchange with interest, and instantly wanted to disappear. She stormed towards the toilets, intending to lock herself in a cubicle until the end of time.

More to come in chapter four… (please let me know what you think along the way…)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four

Inevitably, the toilet door opened. Sarah, sat on one of the toilets with her knees pulled up to her chest, stayed silent.

"Sar?" Zoe. Of course it just _had_ to be Zoe.

"I'm alright," Sarah replied, quietly. Wishing more than anything not to cause another scene.

"I don't know if I am!" Zoe laughed. "I'm a little bit drunk!" she bounced away from the sink she'd been leaning against.

"Zo doesn't it bother you at all?" Sarah's voice was quiet, strained. Hidden behind a grey door.

"What's that?"

"People saying you're gay."

Zoe rolled her eyes good naturedly "No, not really."

"But, I mean… how can it not freak you out?"

"Sar, listen – you know I'm not into labels and all that. I just think it's more about the person, y'know? I judge it that you've got to be with the person who you want to wrap your arms around on a cold night to snuggle up to, who you can't wait to get home to after work, who makes you smile when the chips are down… it doesn't really stress me out that people might think I'd find that with a woman…as long as I eventually do find it I couldn't care less!"

"I jus…" Sarah had listened with interest but just couldn't imagine everything being that simple.

"Sar. Stop stressing. It really isn't worth it." Zoe cut her friend off, imagining her sitting on a cubicle getting more and more frazzled.

"I know, I know you're right – but…how am I supposed to know?"

"Know what?"

There was a pause as Sarah stood and slowly opened the toilet door. Framed between the cubical walls and hugging herself as tight as possible, she looked every inch the confused poster child for The Samaritans at that moment. "Well, if I'm looking in the right place to find that person?"

Zoe gave a soft laugh and took a step forward, running a drunken hand along Sarah's arm, unknowingly making Sarah's skin raise to goosebumps. "Sar, you've been doing it for years, you just carry on, and if you want to, y'know…widen your horizons a bit, then just do it. No-one cares."

"I don't know if I can." Sarah dropped her head, trying to fight back tears of desperation. She felt like she was drowning.

Zoe noticed how defeated her friend looked and stepped forward again, so she was in the doorway to Sarah's hideaway. She wrapped her arms around her friend and pulled her into her. "Sure you can," she sighed, dropping her chin onto Sarah's head. Revelling in how close they were.

"Will you help me?" Sarah's voice was quiet against Zoe's shoulder. She'd stayed very still for fear of breaking the spell that appeared to have been cast over them.

Zoe blinked, the haze of alcohol meaning it took slightly longer for Sarah's words to be processed "Help you? How?"

Sarah pulled back to look up into her friend's face. Her friend, who despite everything, or maybe _because_ of everything that had happened, had the life belt that could stop her from going under. "Help me decide."

Zoe felt the atmosphere change slightly. Let out a breath. "How am I meant to do that?" she asked, quietly.

"Kiss me again?" Sarah said it quickly, eyes not leaving Zoe's, begging her not to leave.

Zoe eye's took in all of Sarah's face, saw what could be desire in her eyes, wanted to make sure, just in case. "Do you want me to?"

"….yes." Sarah breathed, and Zoe moved closer, their lips meeting with a relieved sigh from both of them.

What do you think so far? Please hit 'review' and let me know!


End file.
